Reddit Challenge #25

Reddit user Guntcher submits: Sci-fy story about someone trying to get laid on a planet with 10 sexes.

I call this story 'Überbad'


Life for Chandrians was simple. The people of Chandria were a peaceful people- highly advanced, but peaceful. They had made the mistakes of Earth before, ruining their home planet with over-industrialization. Luckily for the people of Chandria, this particular solar system in the Orion Nebula had two habitable planets within it. After ruining their planet, the Chandrians moved on to the second planet- known as Aprillia- and began a life of symbiosis with the living plants and animals there. The Chandrians used their advanced knowledge to help grow the planet while only taking away what they truly needed.

However, the damage from life on Chandria had already been done- huge doses of radiation and acid rain from factories had permanently altered the people, giving them 10 different sexes. Some of the 10 sexes could only breed with one of the others, some could breed with two or three, but not the other seven or eight; sometimes which sex could breed with which other sex depended on the time of the month and the physical mood of the participants. It was all terribly confusing. None of this made life easier for teenager Anthony Jones (name changed to protect anonymity) who at age 19, was really just looking to get laid.

At his- or rather, its- higher learning institute on Aprillia, Anthony would scan the classrooms for someone it liked. It knew it was a sex seven, meaning it could breed with those of sex four, five and six and other sevens only while they were on their moon cycle. Scanning the room, Anthony found everything so confusing- it had read stories about a past with only two sexes- it couldn't understand why it had to be so tortured.

One day while exiting class Anthony dropped its books. Leaning down to help it pick them up was the most beautiful sex three that Anthony had ever seen. Anthony reached across as the three grabbed the last book, not wanting the three to have to pick up more, but as it did this their hands brushed together. Anthony met eyes with the three... It had never seen any Chandrian like this before- so beautiful and with eyes so inviting. Immediately, Anthony thought of its Saganism teachings from Sunday School and how sometimes the Cosmos intervenes in fateful situations. Anthony decided it would ask this three on a date.

Two days later, Anthony saw the lovely three walking through the quad and caught up with it. Nervously, Anthony approached the three and introduced itself. The three smiled and they began to talk. The two hit it off so well that in minutes they were laughing together- Anthony felt good. But then things began to get strange. Anthony noticed that the more the three laughed and smiled, the hotter it appeared to get. Glowing Chandrians wasn't crazy- the sex one and twos glowed any time it was below 50 degrees- but for a sex three this was unexpected. Anthony was enjoying itself so much it didn't care.

Anthony had never felt like this before and soon it saw an opportunity to kiss the three. It leaned in and so did the three, but as Anthony got close, it suddenly became all too aware of the massive heat radiating off the three. Determined to get laid Anthony continued moving for the kiss and as the two of them locked lips, the three's body began to superheat exponentially.

The reaction took only a few milliseconds- there was nothing Anthony could have done. The body energy of the three rose so rapidly that it drained of its energy in an instant and collapsed upon itself, creating a small scale nuclear explosion which destroyed the section of the quad the two were standing on. Anthony and the three it had fallen for were both killed. The Dean of the university- a seven itself- stood over the wreckage and delivered a dark word of warning to those listening:

There is a reason sevens can't have sex with threes.