Reddit Challenge story #19

Topic: one about a drug dealing gorilla

You join me today at the Brooklyn Zoo in New York City, which is in the United States of America. I am here to visit Jacob the Silverback Gorilla, a Gorilla unlike any other. Jacob eats like the other Gorillas, he walks and mates like the other Gorillas, but Jacob is unique because he has a side career: drug dealing.
That’s right; Jacob has been supplying the other Gorillas and great apes at the Brooklyn Zoo with one of New York City’s finest exports: New York Sour Diesel Marijuana. The story all began when Eric Goldberg- a resident of Brooklyn and known stoner- was visiting the zoo in September. Eric decided it would be a “hilarious idea” to give one of the Gorillas a joint and see what they did with it. Unknowingly, as his friends looked on and laughed, Eric passed a joint and a lighter to the nearest Gorilla, Jacob. Already recognized by the zoo staff as the smartest of their Gorillas, Jacob immediately broke the joint in half and attempted to sell the two half-joints to other Gorillas in his cage for food. He was quickly able to sell off his entire product, having already followed the first rule of drug dealing: don’t use what you sell.
Needing more to sell, Jacob walked back up to Eric Goldberg and made the international hand signal for smoking a joint. Eric was confused at first, but realized soon that the massive ape wanted more. Reluctant at first, Eric eventually agreed to supply Jacob; the two wrote out an agreement in monkey feces wherein Eric would receive one third of the profits from Jacob’s enterprise. Eric was of course, too stupid to realize that the profits would all be fruits and vegetables as well as the occasional sexual offering from one of the Females.
Still to this day though, Eric supplies marijuana to Jacob the Silverback Gorilla and he then turns around and sells it to the other monkeys, all of whom have learned to use lighters and smoke. Since taking up the habit, the Brooklyn Zoo’s monkey feeding budget has risen by nearly 200 percent, the monkey house has become littered with Cheetoh bags, Bob Marley posters now hang on all the walls and Phish is played regularly over loudspeaker.