The critical #2

So here comes the moment of truth, the moment nobody has been waiting for and the world has anticipated for nearly six decades: the difficult second post. My first post since the "reboot" was literally inundated with praise from a full four people, making it- by far- the most popular blog post of my entire life. Now, I have to top that first post by making this second post even better.

Well... I haven't. I'm afraid that today the only news I have to share is that of a discussion of relationships from my skewed point of view. Having been an imaginary ladies man throughout my college career I can safely say I understand all that one would ever need to know about the female personality. And from my endless bank of womanly knowledge I have this simple piece of information to share: women are endlessly confusing.

That's right. My years of practical research and millions of dollars in funding have led me to that simple conclusion. Men are a simple bunch; we like bacon, bacon cheeseburgers, double bacon cheeseburgers and sex- there is literally nothing more to know. Women, on the other hand, don't all love bacon. This leaves the men in the world with no baseline for approaching, speaking with and crucially, living with women. My advice to men to counter this lack of a baseline is easy: act like you do, but try your best to avoid mentioning everything that you love (and that includes sex) because the less you talk about bacon, cheeseburgers and sex, the more likely a woman is to prepare you a bacon cheeseburger and follow that up with sex.

So there you have it: blog post #2. Everything a man will ever need to know about finding a woman, plus bacon. What more can I say?

I can say one more thing, it turns out. The Beatles, as usual, come into play in my life in the strangest of ways with this post. If you really, truly want to woo a woman, look no further than John Lennon. Lennon, as we know managed to not only woo the entire population of women on earth, but crucially a short Asian woman with no talent and a penchant for screaming. How can you use Lennon's brilliance to help you? Play her this, because Lennon knew what I now know thanks to him: Love plays. Love eternal.


"But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I'll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more"